Monday, June 5

The Pressure To Get Married

By Ada Enugwu-Agidi

“I must get married this year”, sounds like a sentence you are well acquainted with right?

For me, it is a sentence I have heard from friends repeatedly and from myself probably (influenced by indecisiveness, though no more).

On the 12th of Feburary, I got a call from my Godparents and the recurrent questions on their  lips for me was, “when is he coming?” and “it is your own we are waiting for ooo, when is it happening?”. If I were to be younger, I would have felt pressured, not now.

Prior to last week, a lady on my street, who sells cosmetics (my customer), prayed that my marriage would be celebrated this year, but I didn’t say ‘amen’. Out of surprise, she asked why, and I gave her my reasons. She delved into a sermon of the need for me to claim the prayer and how important it was to get married ‘sharp sharp’. After the sermon, I smiled, thanked her and went my way.

Ladies, we give ourselves unnecessary worries and burdensome deadlines for no worthy reason at all. We talk about marriage and anticipate it like it is the sole reason why we were placed on earth, like it is the total essence of our existence. Or maybe I am the only one who hasn’t realized that marriage is the only route through which a lady can influence/impact her world, considering that her major financial burdens would be on ‘Mr. Husband’. Have you noticed how amplified the voices of ladies become when they shout ‘amen’ to prayers about getting married?

Now, I do not mean to say that marriage is not a good thing. But instead of spending your time chasing after marriage, joining all the dating sites and all, why not spend the time developing yourself, achieving your goals and impacting your sphere. It is a lifetime’s journey, what is the rush???

So for those of you telling yourselves that you must get married this year (even though you are neither in a relationship nor have any financial plan), I have one simple question for you.

“Why must you get married this year?”

If you are sincere, your answer would either be, because all your friends are married, or because you are getting older, or because you need a man to take care of your bills, or because you need to validate your womanhood to your family and friends. (Aren’t they all irrelevant?). If your reason is that you want to give birth to your kids early, just remember that you are not the giver of children.

In desperation to meet the self -imposed deadline, you end up settling for far less or less than you should, mediocrity sets in and your ambitions and purposeful goals are adversely compromised.

There’s no need to put yourself under any pressure or to pursue marriage like it is the project that defines your capabilities and purpose in life. There’s so much you can achieve as a single lady… 

Maximise your singlehood.

Marriage would eventually come.

Just do you and stop drawing self- imposed deadlines. 

Live life!

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